Evil, thy name is Bikini

In 24 days, I will be on another family trip in Aruba. I had some time to kill yesterday and decided I would try on my swim wear, just to make sure everything still fit. I have to say, I had less anxiety about it than I would have a year ago, as I have been working out more consistently than I was the last time I went anywhere beachy. And yet, somehow, two pieces of black nylon spandex ruined an otherwise awesome weekend.

I thought about detailing for you my horror at discovering that the 70+ workouts I've logged since my trip to Aruba in January have not made my behind look like Marissa Miller's. Or Heidi Klum's. Or any other remotely photogenic posterior. But that would just be embarassing for me and uncomfortable for you. Basically, it was disappointing. Really, really disappointing. I know I am in a much healthier place than I was a year ago. I am dealing with my stress better. I am (slightly) less moody. But if I'm being honest, I would like for all this working out to pay off aesthetically, too. No, I shouldn't let a few ounces of fabric ruin my coming vacation, but I think I would have preferred to be confronted by the reality of cellulite after the fact. Obviously, I went to bed last night in a foul mood. When I woke up this morning, I didn't feel much better. Work kept me busy today, so I didn't think about it much, but the memory of my bikini clad ass in a mirror was enough to get me out of work on time and to the gym.

I decided to wear the bangin' green Feralicious shirt I got in the mail on Saturday. I needed all the encouragement I could get today, and the shirt is super cozy and made me feel better instantly. I got to the gym for Danielle's 545 Ride and found my favorite bikes, and every other bike in the back row taken. Today would be a front row day. Grrrreat. At least I knew I wouldn't slack right? Right. So class starts, and I realize I have no one and nothing to look at but my own reflection or Danielle. But I thought it would be weird if I stared at her, so I stared at myself. Which was probably weirder. In case you had forgotten, I make awesome concentration faces. By the second song, I discovered I like my form, but found myself out of breath. I could feel my lovely new shirt stuck to my back. Which was kind of unpleasant (I prefer wifebeater because I like to be as unfettered as possible) but oddly comforting. If it was sticky, I was working, and that felt good. I was happy I didn't fall apart last night. I was happy I was still making better decisions, even if I didn't have a Swimsuit Issue derriere. Which I would still like to have. Sue me.

For her last song, Danielle always finishes with a sprint and some kind of drill sargeant-y last minute thing to get you to finish strong. Today it was "You should be working like you're going to wear a bathing suit!" Oh life is too funny sometimes. And then it's not so funny when you see someone on your way out of class wearing an Aruba t-shirt. As if I needed another reminder. 24 days and counting.

Where (gym, studio, etc.): : 
Classes Taken: 
Workout Date: 
Mon, 05/24/2010 (All day)


Wow. I don't think that could have been more coincidental. Life, huh? It's weird as shit sometimes. 

I hate wearing bathing suits, mostly because having been obese for many years, my body has never fully recovered. So, as hard as it is to find them, I still choose to wear a one-piece. I own a bikini, which I wore two summers ago at the pool in my mom's neighborhood, but that was the last, and only, time. Isn't it annoying how the bikini has become the only accepted form of bathing suit for any "normal," "healthy" American woman? It's just wrong.

amyxualum's picture

funny how the world works! evangeline, you're a total hottie and you will look awesome at the beach! just keep doing what you're doing and you'll feel just as awesome as you look!

msh258's picture

Aww thanks, msh! I'm just bummed that all this hard work hasn't really helped me in my least favorite spots. And I'm more bummed I let it get to me. I mean I can do a pull up! I'm feralicious!  Why am I letting a few ounces of synthetic fabric kick my ass? It's probably a lot of what Amy is talking about, that leftover trauma from swimsuits past.. I was just thinking abotu you and killercadoogan yesterday. I haven't seen you two around lately!  :(

Evangeline's picture

workout date?

msh258's picture

Amy I couldn't agree more - I EXCLUSIVELY wear one-pieces, and good luck finding one that isn't meant for my Grandma and her water aerobics class.  

yeahredgymnast's picture

You can do a pull-up?!  Oh my god!  You are my hero! How bad can your ass be if you can haul it up BY YOUR ARMS?!  Being able to do a pull-up is one of my life goals.  But it's a multi-step process, the next step of which is being able to do more than three non-granny push-ups. 

I'm not trying to downplay your bikini horror.  I have one-piece horror (they just do not.  put enough fabric.  on the butt), and it is traumatic. But seriously, when you see those Aruba girls in their bikinis, maybe you should think about the fact that you could probably bench-press them.  If you've got enough muscle mass to do a pull-up, I would say your bikini-horror days are numbered. 

sadie's picture

Sass & I have the same frustration with what I call "Science" - like if we work out all the time and we're so awesome, how come we don't have Rihanna abs? Then I get overwhelmed  by how the math doesn't work out and hula hoop.

Sounds like you ladies need a list of von Hottie approved one-piece bathing suits. Happy to oblige :)

vonhottie's picture

I think VonHottie just figured out our next SW meet up theme. Hula hoops and one pieces. In the park. Bring it.

Evangeline's picture

I saw the sexist one piece at Daffy's the other day and I instantly thought of VonHottie as it was similar to her sexy pin-up black one but in HOT PINK  

BTW - E - I know it doesn't help with the image issues - but MSH is right - you are HOT girl, and you are super hero strong.  

Butwhatifido's picture

B--You are the best! Mwah!

Evangeline's picture

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