One crappy rut from Hell.

I woke up too early this morning and was feeling a little down.  It didn't help to switch on the TV for the news.  Ugh.  Depressing.  Off it went, and now I'm listening to Devo while I post. 

What's been up?  Why has this happy and motivated individual fallen so blue?  I guess it's a number of things.  1)  Winter.  Gah, it's so cold and I can't seem to keep warm despite all my efforts keeping the wood heater going, bundling up, etc.  My muscles ache so much from shivering.  2)  Relationships.  I don't know how to describe this well, but I'm getting anxious of people again.  I used to be very socially anxious, uptight and uncomfortable around others.  I'd do anything to avoid social situations.  Somehow, with my increased fitness in the last few years, I got over my social anxiety and felt very confident around others.  I was really enjoying other people's company.  But now I've slid back into my awkward feeling for others.  The other night I was at a party and I couldn't seem to focus on any of the conversations.  I felt very uncomfortable and just wanted to go.  Nonetheless, I stayed too long and drank too much.  :(  I'm feeling very "blah" in my 15-year marriage as well, and that's not a good thing at all.  3)  Money.  Usually I'm not too stressed about money, but I've been pretty careless lately and now I've got all these bills to deal with.  I'm keeping a spending diary now.  I need to start putting money away again for savings.  4)  My direction.  I'm starting to get tired of my job and want to do something else.  But I'm so unmotivated right now, and so unfocused, I couldn't possibly start thinking about what else I'd like to do.  I'm also way behind in my studies.  I've just lost interest and don't want to do it.  5)  My health.  There's still no explanation to my recent health problems.  It gets me so down.  I wish I was just normal. 

Phooey.  I need to snap out of it.  I'll do some light exercise now, and then have breakfast.  I'll try to make today a good day. 

Comments

try to think of little manageable steps you can take in each area and work on those...if you think of all these giant categories of issues to deal with, it'll inevitably be overwhelming...feel better soon!

msh258's picture

Thanks, msh258.   "Baby steps" had always been my mantra.  Thanks for the reminder!

volcane09's picture

Hang in there!  I was in your shoes about a year ago and I have worked hard to get to the point where life is good.  Can you talk to someone? That really helped me. Also, keep moving your body. Your light exercise will really help. Depression and funks thrive when we stop everything. Now is the time to take care of you. It might feel hard or uncomfortable, but taking action in small steps will really shift things for you. Invest in the process and not the outcome. You can do it. Let people know how you're feeling. They love you and want to see you feeling your best. The world needs you to be your shiny, thriving self.

Huzzah!

Saucyd's picture



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