Man-Approved Healthy Super Bowl Guide

The Superbowl has always been near and dear to me—especially since I was working the stage in Houston during the most historical boob moment in the known universe—but it usually entails eating crap and getting hammered and the next day (hung over) discussing your favorite commercials with your coworkers gathered around the water cooler. I’m not against that at all, especially since crowds of people will be hollering WHO DAT after every black-and-gold major play. Eat. Drink. Be Merry. But, as an advocate for health, I’ve perused the Internet and selected a few alternatives to plates of pasta, fried wings, and Jager shots after team TDs.

  • Go Light: Drink Miller Genuine Draft, or Coors Light, or any other light beer, except Amstel Light or Michelob Ultra (since they both really, really suck). If you’re anti-light beer during a sporting event a) you’re missing the point, and b) probably an asshole, let’s be honest. 
  • Go Cheese-less: Order a pizza, pile on all the toppings you want... preferably veggie. Take off the cheese. It tastes a helluva lot better than you’d think, and can conceivably justify that extra MGD. 
  • Don't Go Nuts: Obviously, we all need snack food during the game. Forget peanuts. Don’t buy potato chips. Try a combo of raw almonds, broken up pretzels, dried fruit (raisins, or cranberries) and broken up bits of dark chocolate. Get baked corn chips and make guacamole instead of liquefying Velveeta and piling on the Tostitos. Spend an extra half a second and pick a healthy salsa. 
  • Get Baked: If you’re like me and need some hot wings during the game, don’t go to the store and pick up a tub of slimy grocery wings. Make chicken fingers using skinless chicken breast strips, dipped in milk and seasoned bread crumbs and baked at 425 for 10 minutes (cooked through, but still moist). Then pile on the Kick Yo Ass sauce
  • Actually Cook: Or, if you’re a total foodie (or have that special someone that is a total foodie and will cook delicious things for you because she just knows you’ve got something big planned for Valentine’s Day and you sure as hell better), jump all over this link to find some polysyllabic recipes that sound crazy good. 

Simple, right? Kick Off’s at 6:30pm suckas!

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There is no cheese on this menu. That is totally Unamerican and complete crazy talk.

erikka's picture

apparently, i'm an asshole. light beer = nasty devil liquid.

msh258's picture

I second both erikka and msh258.  :oD


Matty_G_Fresh's picture

@erikka: the copious amounts of queso you eat during the game just isn't good for you, according to my research. I'm as baffled as you are.


@msh: light beer is a part of football culture. I've never, ever heard of anyone polishing off a sixer of Victory Hop Devil during a game. You're so huffy lately!! You aggressive cave woman you.

Mr. Mohawk's picture

mohawk, i'm german. i take serious offense to light beer. you should make paleo pizza.

msh258's picture

wait - Amstel sucks but Coors light doesn't?!?!?!  um  no.  As a self respecting Colorado native, I refuse to drink Coors light.  (I'll go with you on the others but only for sporting events - I love me a bud light (or 4) at a Baseball game)

Butwhatifido's picture

msh, you quit drinking, shush.


is paleo pizza a wedge of beef topped with beef?


Butwhat: i'd go bud light myself, but 'tap the rockies' is so catchy!

Mr. Mohawk's picture

uhm...i see you've been reading my posts. HMPH.

msh258's picture

I watch one or two games a year, if I can't eat queso then...well, fuck it. I can eat queso then.

Light beer is pretty much the devil. If you're drinking beer for quantity, not quality, yr doing it rong.

erikka's picture

well, you never fixed my updates, so i'm blaming you ;)


seriously though, my navigation page has been weird. 'popular today' has been frozen for 3-4 days now, on my computer at home as well as at work.


aside: i love how the anti-light beer people are being snobs about light beer. Who called it?

Mr. Mohawk's picture

Dame ladies this is health food for the super bowl.  By the way it is MAN Approved!!! 

Anyway yo, we should have a party and have SandyLiz the best cook make us some of these delicacies and msh258 make her paleo pizza.  Maybe she can change our minds about the paleo diet with her majical cooking skils. 

Anyways who wants to have a party.  I think we should not drink though. 

Tedesco's picture

i'm anti light beer, but will swill some milller or bud lite while watching football.

i think its a southern thang, ya'll, cause you get nasty looks for fancy beer during football from people who will only drink microbrews on other occassions.

nice practical eating, hawk, and i'll be happy to whip up some polysyllabic recipes for anyone who wants to splurge on me for valentine's day ;)

sandyliz's picture

I think these are some great ideas, actually.

*ducking as bottle of light beer gets hurled at my head*


zuzupetals's picture

thanks sandy and zuzu and ted!


i'm down to host a party, vats of queso welcome, but I'm planning on not doing anything for anyone on Valentine's Day except for myself. Since, you know, it's my birthday.

Mr. Mohawk's picture

Really, if you're already drinking Bud (/Coors/Miller), does the extra "light" make any difference?? It's just a slightly paler shade of pee...

Which is to say that during a sporting event it's only appropriate to drink pee-beer. But Diet pee-beer? That's a step too far.

reganh's picture

J E T S -- J E T S -- J E T S - hmmmm, they lost, didn't they? I guess I'll go to the gym...

kornflowers's picture

hm. well, in all fairness, these are only alternatives for a healthier Superbowl. in actuality, i should be advocating NOT DRINKING, but that's claptrap silliness.


regan, i think just saying "diet pee-beer" is leaps and bounds beyond anything i could think of, eek.

Mr. Mohawk's picture

my nav page has been weird and frozen for days as well... now that you're an insider, can ya get something done to fix it?  :-)

kornflowers's picture

My nav page is broken as well.

I also don't understand why the women need to cook for your party. You're grown ass men. Cook for your damn selves. It's Sandy gets spoiled week, she don't need to cook for you.

Snowboarding>superbowl. My Sunday.

erikka's picture

Kickoff is at 7:30 a.m. in Hong Kong. What about suitable breakfast foods?

hktexan's picture

Lite Beer makes me uneasy like Nutri Sweet. Then again, I've been drinking O'Douls since Jan 2nd, so it'll be a big step up. Not that I can have any on Sunday.

SEPARATELY: Looking into the problems with the "Popular Today" tab on the TALK page. Our apologies, and we should have it fixed ASAP. In the meantime, you can always check this Popular Today page, (which appear under on our main Popular section.)

Oliver's picture

"I also don't understand why the women need to cook for your party. You're grown ass men. Cook for your damn selves. It's Sandy gets spoiled week, she don't need to cook for you."

On second thought, erikka is right! I shouldn't cook for anyone!

I'll just go to my Big Gay Super Bowl instead, where pretty and nice men will cook for me & provide much better than light beer drinks! HMPH.

But spoiling of me is over sunday, so I'll be cooking again very very soon, should anyone want in on that.  Dinner parties in the planning stages...

sandyliz's picture

YEAH SANDY, you tell 'em!

I think you should put a temporary extention on the spoiling in the name of trophy wifery.

erikka's picture

hmmm....will definitely consider this!

erikka, you're the best!!

but i do still get the light beer for football, totally on board with that, even if i won't be participating.

sandyliz's picture

@erikka--are you trying to start trouble? I think Tedesco was just complimenting sandy's cooking skills, yeesh some of you girls are scary today.


@sandy--you're more than welcome to come watch the game with us, and you don't have to cook anything, der.


@Oliver--all beer scares me right now, as does my upcoming birthday after a month+ off the sauce.


@hktexan--how about Whataburger-esque taquitos with turkey bacon??

Mr. Mohawk's picture

@mohawk Blanket statements on other people's "crazy", nice. Good job there.

erikka's picture

would the sarcasm have been more obvious if I had put "some" in bold?


don't break my nose.

Mr. Mohawk's picture

@mohawk- on here tedesco was complimenting me.  in chat, tedesco was asking me to come over to your house and cook on sunday.

so erikka wins that argument, and we are not 'scary today'.

sandyliz's picture

Well, I for one stand behind anyone that wants a good cook to cook good food for them, and I don't see how that involves gender at all.


I also don't see how this is an argument. The blog references a link for foodies, not a link for barefoot women slaving in the kitchen. I think you know me better than that.


And, if you read these comments, there's a little too much taking things personally going on here. Save the anger for when I make fun of Steak and a Blow Job Day.

Mr. Mohawk's picture


sandyliz's picture

Calling women "crazy" is not a good way to get them to prepare you delicious meals. Unless you want to wear them.

erikka's picture

Well, you've both already given me food, which I have eaten and never worn. So, life's good ;)

Mr. Mohawk's picture

mohawk, I never said I wouldn't feed you.  I just said that erikka is right - and tedesco is trying to get me to cook for him on sunday.  you, you're alright, and i'm only not coming over due to previous plans.

this comment was unnecessary, and that is why i'm leaving it :)

sandyliz's picture

Why is everyone fighting? It makes me anxious.

I'm going to brunch with my gay boyfriend on Sunday and then the theater. After the SuperBowl, I plan to troll New York for men who are drunk on light beer and then lick the barbecue sauce from their chins while I make my legs into goal posts and tell them they can "touchdown on this."

Ummm, I got carried away with that last sentence, yes. Sorry.

vonhottie's picture

LOL vonhottness...i miss you. can't wait to get delinquient soon!

msh258's picture

oh von, you're wonderful. ::insert touchdown victory dance here::

Mr. Mohawk's picture

1. If ur going to drink, drink something that tastes good
2. Pizza: order pintalle's, whole wheat and tastes good. Some cheese is good for you
3. Overthinking you choice of food will make you crazy; of you fall off the wagon it's ok--just make a pact to get back on 2/8.
4. Von Hottie: you are hilarious, love it.

Kaitlyn's picture

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